We hear it all the time “it takes a village.”
And when you become a parent, you start to feel that in a whole new way. You look around at the people closest to you, neighbors, school friends, other parents at sports, and you assume that’s your village. That those are the people you’ll do life with.
But something I’ve learned over the years, especially through traveling with kids, is that proximity doesn’t automatically create connection. Just because someone lives near you doesn’t necessarily mean they’re your people.
And if you’ve ever had the thought, "I've got to find my village" before, I know exactly how you feel. I've been there, and finding your people makes all the difference.
When Travel Looks Good on Paper But Doesn’t Feel That Way
There’s this expectation that traveling with other families will be easier, more fun, more memorable. And sometimes it absolutely is. But other times, you come home feeling more drained than when you left, wondering why something that looked so good on paper didn’t quite work in real life.
I remember a camping trip we took with a few other families while we lived in Connecticut and while we enjoyed it, neither my husband nor I really felt like we clicked with anyone. We just didn't have much in common with everyone there, conversations felt hard, and everyone had older kids so our daughter didn't have anyone to play with. At the end of the trip, we looked at each other and said, "That was a good experience but this isn't our group."
For us, it’s usually come down to one thing: fit. Not location. Not convenience. Not even how long you’ve known someone. Just how well you actually fit together.
I’ve started to notice that the trips that feel the most effortless are the ones where everything just naturally aligns. You don’t have to over-explain your routines or justify your decisions. You’re not constantly adjusting or second-guessing. Things just flow.
Comparing that trip above to a recent trip we did with our friends to St. George, the flow of the trip was a night and day difference. All of the dads got along, the moms were best friends, and the kids all had fun together. The dads all went and took the kids to swim while the moms relaxed and they were happy to because they could hang while the kids swam. The moms all had similar bedtimes and routines for the kids so bedtime didn't feel "off" to the kids and they all got ready for bed easily.
Now, putting them to bed was a different story, but they all slept in a bunk room with 10 beds in it, and as hard as it was for us moms to put them to bed, hearing all their giggles and seeing how much fun they were all having made it feel like a core memory was being made for all of them and it was awesome. Plus, we were all in the "hard" together of getting the kids to mellow out to sleep. It made it feel fun and not that big of a deal.
Contrasting that with trips that feel harder, I've found they usually come down to subtle (or not-so-subtle) differences that become very obvious when you’re spending all day, every day together.
It might look like different expectations around how the day should go. Or realizing halfway through a trip that one family wants to pack in as much as possible, while the other is craving slower, more relaxed days.
For example, I have friends that I love dearly but I would never travel on a beach vacation with because I know we wouldn't want to do the same stuff. My kids love boogie boarding and surfing and being at the beach from sun up to sun down, but their kids don't like the beach and would rather swim in the pool all day.
No one is wrong in those situations. They’re just different. But when you’re traveling together, those differences don’t stay small. They shape the entire experience.
Building a Village That Actually Works
All of this has made me realize that building a village isn’t really about who happens to be nearby. It’s about finding the people who genuinely fit into your life in a way that feels natural and supportive.
We have formed a really close group of families over the past few years. Having a group that all gets along and supports each other is so special. We do family dinners together, the moms do girls nights, the husbands go mountain biking together, we do weekend trips together, and we do beach days with all the kids. Finding a group of people that all get along and have similar fun, relaxed personalities makes it easy to get together. It also has made it easier to become close and supportive of each other.
And that’s why I love the idea behind The Village app.
Instead of leaving those connections up to chance, it helps you find your people based on the things that actually matter: your lifestyle, your parenting style, your values, your personality. Compatible families are everywhere. The hardest part has always been finding them. The Village takes something that can feel random and makes it intentional. And both you and your partner are in the circle of families, so the whole family is building real friendships together. It’s not just one parent doing all the social work.
Right now, The Village helps you find your people close to home, which honestly makes so much sense as a starting point. Real relationships have to begin somewhere, and proximity does matter in that initial phase.
Why “Fit” Matters More Than Proximity
The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that what actually makes a family travel friendship work has very little to do with how close you live to each other, and everything to do with how aligned you are in the ways that matter most. You can live next door to someone and still feel completely out of sync when you travel together.
And on the flip side, you can meet a family and instantly feel like everything just clicks.
That’s the difference between proximity and compatibility. And when it comes to building a village that you actually want to travel with, compatibility wins every time.
It Starts with Lifestyle
Lifestyle is often the first thing you notice on a trip, because it shapes the rhythm of every day.
The way a family likes to travel says a lot about how the trip is going to feel. Some families are constantly on the go, chasing adventure and new experiences. Others are happiest settling into a slower rhythm—pool time, beach days, long meals.
Even things like food preferences or how you structure your days can shift the entire dynamic.
For example, I know that when we travel to a new country we like to move fast (at least some of the days) and see a lot of things. I also know that type of a trip isn't for everyone. Some good friends of ours have kids who love to sleep in and being on vacation means being at a resort and sleeping in until noon. I know our families won't line up on the things we want to do on trips because we just have different rhythms of our days. Because if one family is planning hikes and excursions, and the other just wants to relax and snack by the pool, you start to feel that disconnect pretty quickly.
Then There’s Parenting (And It Shows Up Everywhere)
Parenting styles don’t just show up in big moments. They show up all day long when you’re traveling together. Bedtimes, naps, boundaries, expectations, independence, all of it matters more when you’re sharing space.
When you’re aligned, it feels easy. There’s a natural understanding, and you can step in to help each other without overthinking it. It almost feels like you’re operating as one extended family.
My best friend's family and mine travel together often. We know each other's kids well enough and how we each parent that when I'm back at the hotel room putting the baby down for a nap and she's watching the kids at the pool, I know my kids are being taken care of in the same way and attention that I would be giving them. She talks to her kids how I talk to mine, solves conflict in the same way, and I know that my kids are in amazing hands. If there was a disagreement between any of the kids, I know she'd approach it with love and understanding and help the kids work through it. I feel like she can step in for me any time on a trip and my kids will be in great hands.
But when parenting styles are very different, it can create tension that’s hard to ignore. Not because anyone is wrong, but because you’re approaching the same situations in completely different ways.
The Conversations Matter Too (Values)
Some of the most important parts of a trip happen in the in-between moments. The dinners, the downtime, the conversations when you’re all together. And that’s where values come in.
What feels comfortable to talk about? What feels important to prioritize? What kind of environment are you creating for your kids during the trip?
Values are so important to me because while I love for my kids to be exposed to different people's beliefs and opinions, I want to make sure it's in a way that feels age appropriate and doesn't feel overbearing or confusing for them. We have been at a few dinner tables before where the conversation turned in ways that I didn't feel was necessary or appropriate for the kids to hear, and I decided to remove myself from the conversation and distract the kids with a game in the grass. It's totally ok that families have different values, but when there are kids involved and there's a whole family dynamic, balancing how those are shared is important.
When values align, everything feels natural. When they don’t, even simple moments can feel a little off.
And Then There’s the One Thing You Can’t Force: Personality
At the end of the day, it just has to click. You can’t plan for it, and you can’t force it, but you know it when it’s there.
It’s the ability to laugh together, to enjoy being around each other for long stretches of time, to feel comfortable just being yourselves. Because even if everything else lines up, if the personalities don’t mesh, the trip won’t feel easy.
Your Village Doesn’t Have to Stay in One Place
But what I love is that it doesn’t stop there. Because once you’ve found your people, location starts to matter a lot less. Those are the families you plan trips with. The ones you make traditions with. The ones your kids grow up alongside, even if it’s not always in the same city.
We have some close friends that have moved away, so we don't see them as often any more. When we do get together, because we have so much in common and formed such a close bond, we can pick up right where we left off. We still make time to get together and when the timing works out, we plan trips together. We have met up to go skiing, we've traveled internationally together, and more.
Once you form those close friendships, your village becomes less about where you are, and more about who you keep choosing to do life with.
The Kind of Travel That Feels Different
In the long run, your village isn’t defined by who lives closest to you. It’s defined by who aligns with you, who shows up, and who makes life, and travel, feel easier.
When you find those people, everything shifts. Trips feel lighter. Days feel smoother. You stop managing the experience and start actually enjoying it.
Because the truth is, the best family trips aren’t just about where you go. They’re about who you go with.